She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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