Swine flu. Run for my life!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
