I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Randomize
