that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
