i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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