She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
