I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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