fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Plan B is the new Plan A
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
