i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
