If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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