Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
