Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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