I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
