I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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