Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
