I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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