PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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