i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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