if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
