How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
