He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
