I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
