Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i now understand why vodka
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
