Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you win again, gameday.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
