Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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