I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
