I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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