i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my shit smells like andre
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
