We're like a lot better than the average bears
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
