Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
