Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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