I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
