the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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