ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
