I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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