textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
