y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
