i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there is glitter all over my balls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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