What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
