What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
