i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
