That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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