I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
