Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
