he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
