Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
