he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
