Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
