I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
