there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
MIDGETS
????
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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