i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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