every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
