You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Houston, we have a blender
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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