Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
