Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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