pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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