I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
