Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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