My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
